made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
