When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I have tasted many bathrooms
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
