dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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