I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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