They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
