how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
