i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
