what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
