some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
