You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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