This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
