Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
