Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
