I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
