i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
