You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize