Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
