You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I party with great urgency now.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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