I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
