mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
