you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
last night I used snow as a chaser
There are leaves in my underwear?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
