we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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