I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
