i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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