How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
