You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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