I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
