I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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