So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
