How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
