No stitches, just platelets and will power
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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