I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
