DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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