She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
