note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
love makes seman taste better
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
