I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
