made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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