I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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