My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
