my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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