Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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