I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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