if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Randomize
