It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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