Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
