i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
