he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
