Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
