it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
