why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
