Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Randomize
