Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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