Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Are we in a gay sports bar?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I fill condoms, not promises.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
