By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
