Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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