Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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