My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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