I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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