Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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