I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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