His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
They have beer where we have blood.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
