The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
