Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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