I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
